Why I’m NEVER Having Kids

I had a bad dream last night…

I was at someone’s house, and for some reason I had my laptop over there, along with some of my other expensive electronic equipment (recording microphone, TI-83 Calculator, etc.). It was all sitting on a table, and I was typing away on my laptop…

When, suddenly… HE appeared.

“He” was an 8-year old chubby lil’ kid, who liked to run recklessly around the house and grab at anything he thought he could get his hands on.

I tried to ignore him and type on my laptop, but even in my dreams I can’t seem to control what kids do.  The kid ran up to me and started trying to grab at my keyboard – and I was NOT going to have that happen.  I lunged over my laptop, protecting it with my arms as I yelled, “Do NOT touch it!  This stuff’s expensive!!”

Immediately, he ran around to try and touch my $200 microphone.  Again, I yelled, “I SAID do NOT touch my stuff!  This isn’t yours! Now, GO AWAY!”

Eventually, the kid left my sight for a while.  Then, another bad thing happened…

I had to go to the bathroom.

I didn’t want to leave all my stuff alone for fear that the chubby little rascal would come back and be all over it, but what could I do?  I rationalized that my stuff would be safe because the bathroom door was right next to where I was working (though I don’t know how that worked with the mechanics of the house’s architecture - guess that’s why it’s a dream!) and that I could open the door every so often to make sure my stuff was safe.

I ran into the bathroom, and set about trying to get in and out as quickly as possible.  5 minutes later, I emerged from the bathroom checking frantically to make sure my stuff was still in its spot…

…and sure enough: my microphone was missing!

Even worse, I couldn’t track down where the kid had gone – he was hiding somewhere in the house!  I began looking around for my microphone, and it took me about 20 minutes before I walked by a sofa in the house and discovered it peeking up from a crevice created by the sofa cusion and its backside.

Needless to say, I was thourougly annoyed.  Luckily, I woke up to discover all my items present and accounted for, and - even more luckily – NO kids around!

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In creating articles for this site, I do a LOT of research for videos and/or articles for inspiration.  Some of the things I run across are just downright funny.

And so it is with that said that I share this with you all today: it’s an article called “The 10 Amazingly Funny Baby Pictures You Would Never Want to Miss.”  It’s pictures of babies in funny poses – you can see the article by clicking HERE!

-A.P. Taylor

Send your “Why I’m NEVER Having Kids” stories/ideas to neverhavingkids@gmail.com.  If you’re a parent, send your “Dealing w/Kids Horror Stories” – who knows, your story could be the catalyst for my next blog!